Chapter 4: A Tale of Three Kings.

At the end of the last chapter I left you with a little hint at hope by saying that Lorimer Moseley’s definition of pain actually tells us how to get out of it.

As a reminder, the pain reducing statement reads like this:

“Pain SUBSIDES when the brain concludes there is more evidence of SAFETY related to the body than evidence of DANGER related to the body.”

All we need to do is to provide evidence of safety about the body part that feels in danger. So how do we do that?

Well it all starts with …

A Tale of Three Kings.

Once upon a time a kingdom was locking in a great battle. A General calls for a Messenger Boy to take word to the king.

“Messenger Boy, I need you to take this encrypted message to the King” the General says.

Unencrypted the message reads, “The battle is almost lost on the northern front. We’re down to our last brave men. We need your wise counsel on a new strategy, or I fear this battle will be lost within days.”

“Now go”, the General says, “take the message to the king as fast as you can.”

Bravely, the messenger boy took off as fast as he could to deliver the encryption it to the King.

Now, there are three Kings in this story –– or at least three versions of the same king. You choose which one you’d think will best serve the Messenger, the General and the chance of success in this battle.

The Killer King is famed for his impatience, arrogance and incompetence. He refuses to accept bad news. In fact, he doesn’t even bother to decrypt the message, choosing to kill the messenger instead, simply for having delivered it.

The Worrier King, famed for catastrophising, this king is ruled by his own anxiety and indecision. He never wanted to be drawn into this battle in the first place and therefore he tends to freeze when action is demanded from him. He seeks constant reassurance from his advisers but his fear of making the “wrong” move means he never commits to one at all.

The Calm King, famed for his level headed nature and patience in adversity. He deeply respects his general and what’s more, he respects even this lowly messenger boy for his bravery, giving him food and time to calm down so he can hear the message clearly. This king understands that there is no “right” or “wrong” decision until there is hindsight. So he must be decisive, trust the data he has at this time, and make adjustments as and when feedback demands it.

As you can see, these three Kings have very different ruling styles. But which King do you think will inspire safety in his people, and which could unwittingly intensify the sense of danger?

Safety Starts With Leadership.

You see, before we can decipher the pain code and look at the actual evidence of safety (which is unique to each pain battle) we have to be sure our kingdom is ruled by the best King, Queen or Non-Binary Ruler.

The Ruler who is intent on employing mercenaries to Kill the Messenger (through pain killing drugs and pain killing therapies) and carries on as if nothing needs addressing, increases the evidence of danger. The General says, “We’re on our own guys. We can’t get the message through, so help is not coming.”

The Ruler who is filled with anxiety, wishing the problem would just go away, adds insecurity into the danger evidence files. The General says, “We’re on our own guys. The King won’t make a decision. If help comes it’ll likely be too little, too late.”

But the Calm Ruler inspires Safety. The whole kingdom feels like their Ruler has their back –– he cares even for the lowly Messenger Boy after all. The General says to his soldiers, “Stand firm lads, help is on the way. We may lose this battle, but our leader will ensure we’ll win the war.”

What Kind of King, Queen or Non-Binary Ruler Are You?

Okay I admit, that question is a bit rude because the truth is, we are all three of these rulers with different types of pain. And I’m certainly no different:

I definitely try to kill some pain messengers –– I know I want to kill a headache or sore throat. 

Some pain messengers make me anxious –– like that weird pain in the chest I had whilst out walking yesterday. 

And some pain messengers I listen to calmly and make decisions decisively based on what I learn –– like when a badly injured shoulder turned into a chronic and agonising Frozen Shoulder. I had to stay calm, accept I’m in this for the long haul, and follow a structured plan for the next 18 months.

Now, although all three kings live within us, the Calm King is the only one that actually serves us positively when it comes to persistent pain.

He’s the only one that looks at the evidence objectively and takes action based on the data he has at the time. This inspires safety –– and merely the act of staying calm and acting decisively helps the pain conversation quiet down.

Now we all have a natural leaning towards one style or the other, and that’s okay –– no judgement. And what’s more, persistent pain can often promote the “Worrier King” to dominate over the our natural style anyhow. But the Calm King is the one that’ll see you out of pain, so the rest of this resource aims to help you develop this kind of leadership.

So over the next few chapters I’d like to train the Calm King in you. This Ruler can be ruthless like the Killer King, and cautions like the Worrier King, yet still inspire safety in his kingdom because of how he frames “safety evidence”.

So come on a journey with me and let’s develop the Ultimate Pain Leader in you.